Finances are an often underestimated aspect of marital health. In fact, research published by the National Library of Medicine in 2023, “finances were the primary reason for relationship conflict in 40% of disagreements reported among people in long-term relationships.”
Couples need to devote time and energy to make sure they’re on the same page about goals and challenges, but that’s easier said than done. When individuals are in the throes of a stressful period because of money matters, research indicates they’re less likely to have important and necessary conversations.
Financial planners often witness these play out when interacting with couples. In such a dynamic, you’re not just offering advice. You often must contend with personal values, anxieties and expectations related to money. You might find yourself stepping into the role of a mediator and trusted guide.
Walking alongside couples during these conflicts can help you support their financial well-being and even bolster the strength of your client relationship. Here are a few ways to integrate this approach into your client interactions.
1. Create a Neutral and Safe Environment
Couples should feel like your office is a safe zone for candid conversations. Money conversations can put even the most even-keeled people on edge. Clients need to feel they can speak freely without judgment. With this in mind, set ground rules ahead of the meeting. For example, specify that only one person speaks at a time and that they should stay on topic. Creating a structured, respectful environment helps you come across as a neutral facilitator. Doing so is important for maintaining trust.
2. Practice and Encourage Active Listening
Often, financial quibbles go deeper than financial mismanagement. Spouses might be concerned about what the present financial situation means for security, freedom or status. For example, a partner might see a large savings account as a security blanket, while the other might feel like it’s putting limits on their current lifestyle. This is when active listening is helpful in defusing tension. In fact, per the market research platform Gitnux, “56% of communication success hallmarks are attributed to listening skills.”
When one partner speaks, listen for context that speaks to their emotions and motivations. Then, summarize their key points before asking the other partner to weigh in. For instance, you could say, “Mary, if I hear you right, you feel anxious about not having a larger emergency fund because you associate that with a safety net?” Framing it this way affirms their feelings and ensures they feel heard. This can turn down the volume and encourage them to give their partner space to speak.
3. Shift the Focus to Shared Goals
Couples often get caught up in the nitty-gritty, like what they might perceive as a frivolous purchase or spending habit. Your job is to help put these conflicts into the context of the collective vision for the future. What might they do differently or better to achieve a shared goal?
Then you have done the hard work necessary to set the tone to help your clients set in motion financial decisions that support a mutual objective. The upside here is that a budget no longer feels stifling but instead a means to a worthy end.
4. Use Neutral Language and Tools
Your word choice and tone are very important when discussing money conflicts. Avoid taking sides or using language that could be misconstrued as blame. It’s best to stick to the facts and numbers to make your case.
These situations are when financial planning software and tools can speak volumes. Presenting objective data provides a factual basis for your recommendations. Plus, it creates some distance from opinions, helping couples see their financial situation in a more black and white way.
A Better Way to Support Clients
Your ability to navigate these trends with ease will help clients achieve their goals while you earn their trust. However, you don’t have to go it alone. Docupace helps firms of all sizes modernize financial operations through a unified platform for advisor transitions, document management, compliance and workflow automation. Click here to learn more and schedule a discovery call.
